Accepting the End of a Romantic Relationship

The recent pandemic has been…difficult… on many romantic relationships.  There is no playbook for dating or being married within the confines of your house.  It puts a lot of pressure on people and we all face mental challenges in an ever-changing world.  Some relationships are making it just fine and some are better than ever, but many are failing or have failed during this pandemic.  So now what?

What are the signs that it is not working?

It is totally plausible that you do not realize how unhappy you are.  It is also possible that you are exhibiting signs of that unhappiness.  Reflect on your life and ask yourself if you are doing thing like:

• Seeking attention from other people;
• Jekyll and Hide syndrome – you are one person with your significant other and another when you are apart;
• You have a sense of dread when your significant other comes home from work;
• You are afraid to talk to your partner about your needs;
• Your friends and/or family have strong specific issues with your significant other.

That last one is tricky and everyone thinks their friends and family are wrong at least in the beginning, but you have to ask yourself, aren’t they right an awful lot when it comes to this sort of thing?

Ask yourself why you are sticking around

No one wants to be trapped in their house for 8 months alone.  This definitely leads people to hang onto relationships that are not otherwise working.  It is completely understandable, but is it worth it?

According to an article on time.com, reasons for sticking around beyond the expiration date of a relationship include:

• The stigma surrounding being single in certain stages of life;
• Basic fear of being alone;
• Being “comfortable”;

An even more scary reason some people stay together is that they have compatible vices such as drugs, alcohol, or a multitude of other harmful habits.

Everyday you spend in a relationship that is not working is a day you are not spending in the pursuit of happiness.

So, you are coming to grips with the inevitable demise of your relationship

You know it has to end.  How do you “psych” yourself up enough to give you the required courage to do the deed?  Well, it depends on where you are in life.

If you are in your late teens to early twenties, it can often feel like your world is over and you don’t know what to do.  It feels like “the one” slipped away.  You feel this way because, in the grand scheme of life, you are an idiot.  You do not realize that there are millions of people out there and you WILL find someone else and they WILL be better for you.

If you are in your mid-twenties to mid-thirties, breaking up with someone can be less appealing than starting over.  During this time in your life you are trying to lay the foundation of your future.  This time period should be about you becoming self-sufficient.  You do not have to be alone to earn this independence, but you have to steer clear of being co-dependent or you will find yourself in a relationship you can’t get out of for financial reasons.  Earn your future and depend on you.

After the age of 35, everyone has a story and there is no sense in trying to simplify it.  Just remember that plenty of people become single after the age of 35.  Just check a dating app and look at the number of single people your age and older.

For most people, being in a relationship is a goal and sometimes it becomes “everything”, but your happiness is what should be “everything”.

Accept that and you can accept the end of a romantic relationship.