If you’ve ever had your heart broken once or twice you know all too well the pain that comes along with it. How vulnerable you felt because you opened yourself up to someone, only to have your heart crushed. Just the idea of dating makes you sick to your stomach. Although with time you eventually go through the natural stages of grief, then you move on to self-reflection and discovery. You pride yourself on the transformation from where you once were to where you are today. Then, you begin to process the idea of taking the leap of love again. Scary right? I get it, you’ve been hurt before, all your relationships ended the same… heartbroken or worse losing your own identity. Trust me I get it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Someone once told me if you line up all your ex-lovers in a row you can see a flow chart of your mental illness. Yikes! I don’t know about you, but my row is anything, but healthy. In fact, it looks like a scene from Game of Thrones, tragic, dark, and toxic. Thankfully I am not the same person I once was, and neither are you. We are growing and changing based on our past experiences, in order to create new ones.
So, let’s leave all past relationships in the past, there is a reason we consider them in the past tense. I only say this because we cannot truly change and grow if we are repeating old behaviors with old relationships. The only way to change old patterns is to create new ones with new people. Our past relationships are there merely to teach us how we want our future relationships to be. The next relationship you enter should not mirror your past line up.
If you normally date someone more masculine, then try to surround yourself with someone more feminine or vice versa. If you were in a relationship with someone who was more dominant and the decision maker, then try being the decision maker see if the change of roles is something that works better for you. Explore the various layers of yourself and find out what you need in a partner. This sounds crazy right? You have a type, a vision of who you should date. Well let me ask you this; How has that been working out for you? You cannot expect to be the same person you once were in a relationship once you have grown and changed. We all grow out of things and with growth comes new things.
Just as Albert Einstein said, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”, then the same goes for dating the same person or type of person as you have in the past. So, I encourage you to seek out someone who intrigues you that may not be your usual type. Look for someone one that values the same aspects of a life and a relationship that you do. We know if we change our habits, we can change our life, then the same goes for our relationships. Allow yourself the ability to open up to someone new, someone that is different from your past. Communicate and get to know someone on a deeper level and share your experiences with them. Learn to be comfortable outside of your comfort zone and challenge yourself.
Learn to let vulnerability inspire you rather than frighten you. What makes you vulnerable is what makes you human and I think that is a beautiful thing. Being our messy, imperfect, authentic selves helps create a space where others feel safe to be themselves, too. Your vulnerability can be a gift to others, how amazing is that? Don’t keep that gift from yourself or others.
We are all scared of opening up to others, but when you find someone that gives you that safe space to be your authentic self, then embrace it. Take that step, scared, but know that it will make you stronger. Do not rob yourself that chance to grow as an individual just because you’re scared of getting hurt. You never know what if it works out. The right person/ relationship for you may not come packaged just as you envisioned it would. Let go of all expectation of what it should be or what that person is and let the possibility of someone better to enter your life. Be open, be vulnerable, and be you.